It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
