It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
