I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
