in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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