I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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