I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
