He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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