Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
