I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
