How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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