she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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