i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
