I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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