how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
