it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
