we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
