im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈