took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
