Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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