Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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