so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize