Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i love accidental penises.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
