i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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