I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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