Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
