remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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