What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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