if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
