why didn't you poke me back
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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