Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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