so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
