Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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