Can i not drive my cunt home
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
