You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I AM VODKA MAN
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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