dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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