I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
