I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
