Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
