spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize