why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
