sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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