I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
