my phone needs a breathalizer
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
