i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
