So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There are leaves in my underwear?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
