who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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