sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
