Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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