so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
