He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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