Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
