im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
4 words: hood of his car
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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