im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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