He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
