Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize