Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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