I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
