I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
