So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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