i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
